How Bloom's Taxonomy can improve relationships

Love through different faces and phases

There’s a blackbird outside my window, singing day in and day out to find a potential mate. I have been amazed at this little fellow who has come and taught me some lessons about commitment and dedication.

If relationships are here to awaken us, I’m all up for learning and taking notes.

If we are to inter-relate and be in harmonious relationships with ourselves and others, it is essential to show up daily and put in a degree of effort. This may be common sense, but it’s not always common practice.

How would things work if we dedicated some of our time to, like the bird, expressing love through our actions?

During the five years I spent studying full-time at university (Bachelor’s degrees in Chile run 5 years) to become an English teacher, I had to learn not only English and how to teach it, but also the ways in which humans learn, the different stages of brain development, psychology, psycho-pedagogy, and more. Among the subjects I studied, one has always stayed with me: it's called Bloom’s taxonomy and it is essential for lesson planning and creating achievable objectives for any class.

Bloom’s taxonomy is a hierarchical framework that begins with remembering facts and understanding ideas, then moves to applying knowledge, analysing how things work, evaluating information, and finally creating something by putting ideas together.

I believe that Bloom’s taxonomy is not only useful for educators, but also for anyone who would benefit from new ways of relating. In other words, anyone who wishes to be in balanced relationships with others…

Why? Because whether we realise it or not, we all have certain expectations about how we want others to be (or not be), how to act (or not act). It’s like we’re all walking around with invisible checklists that, unless expressed, nobody knows about.

This reflection arose out of a conversation I had with a friend recently. She wants her partner to understand her, but he doesn’t seem to do it.

But the word “understand” is vague. In a classroom setting, a teacher cannot just say "By the end of the lessons, students will understand what the Sanskrit term 'ahimsa' (non-harming) means", but instead "By the end of the lesson, students will be able to define/explain/interpret/relate/judge (or any actionable verb) the meaning of 'ahimsa.'

If we applied Bloom’s Taxonomy in my friend’s situation, she would need to be precise and think of action verbs that represents the her partner “gets” it.

Even though BT is used to measure educational objectives, to me, it doesn’t seem that different from achieving objectives in daily life, including those that don’t seem to be objectives at first sight. And, unless my friend is clear about the specific actions needed from her partner, he might never truly get her.

How would you know if he has understood you? What would he need to do to prove that he gets you?

What would ‘understanding’ look like tomorrow? Hug you first instead of defending himself? Make dinner without being asked?”

“Understand” is just not measurable. But if you swap it for an action verb, like “listen without interrupting,” “ask questions about my day,” “remember what I said last week and follow up”, then you’ve got proof.

If there’s no action tied to “understanding,” then it’s like expecting someone to do well on a test without ever telling them what the questions are.

Many conflicts in relationships stem from not reaching agreements or truly understanding one another. What worked before may not work now, and that’s okay. We’re always changing, and so are our needs (and those of the people around us). Different phases of our life require different things from us and from those around us…

This is not only something that helps us relate to others better, but also to ourselves. Once we’re able to name what we need from ourselves and/or others, it’s much more likely those needs will be met.

So when someone “fails” the objectives, we get irritated or upset. But what if we owned it first? “Hey, I’m cranky because I need ten minutes alone before I can talk.” No blame, just clarity. Not just comprehending our own stuff, but applying it.

By getting clear and expressing our needs, we are halfway there because now it’s not about feelings. It’s about behaviour. We don’t need to get too analytical or “heady” about it, or demand that someone fulfil our needs, but rather ask clearer questions, starting with ourselves.

That’s how real change happens. Not in big emotional talks, but in tiny, trackable actions. After all, people aren’t mind-readers, but most are pretty good at following directions if we give them clear ones. With no clear destination on the satnav, we head nowhere.

Coming back to my little bird friend outside the window: “he” intuitively knows that as long as he keeps showing up authentically, putting in effort, and taking action, new existence will be born.

May our relationships serve as inspiration and sources of growth,

with Love,

Amor